I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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