hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
