so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
