i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
