I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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