Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
