apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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