did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize