I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
