I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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