im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
