I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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