Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i now understand why vodka
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
