WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
