took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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