She said her name was "party"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
