Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
