She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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