Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
