Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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