Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
