it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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