i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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