I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
