Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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