saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's like iHOP with fire
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A bitchslap is in order.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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