Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
