I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
