Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
