I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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