You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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