ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
