Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
