I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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