If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
