If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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