How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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