whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
