he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
