Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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