K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
