i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
