Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my being single is dangerous.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
