in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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