All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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