i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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