I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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