can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
