i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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