well you can't waste a boner
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
