So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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