At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
