He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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