He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
