i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You are the jesus of drinking
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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