Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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