I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
