Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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