im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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